Why you can’t ignore mental health

Today is National Mental Health day. These beautifully depicted pieces of art, as expressive as they are; don’t begin to touch on the grave reality that accompanies the incessant drawl of negative, and sometimes scary, inner dialogue of those that struggle with their mental health.

No one is expected to be knowledgeable about the intricate details of every mood disorder, disease, term, or association related to the mental health community; Myself included. This does not mean we shouldn’t continue to advocate what we do know, and that is ourselves. We all signify, and can relate to, at least one of the aforementioned visuals above. Whether we are raging an internal war to come to terms with our own admissions, or we bear witness to the public battle of someone we love, and hold dear to our hearts. Tolerance cannot blossom under ignorance; solidarity and compassion start home.

• Be bold, brave, and forthcoming in what you are experiencing. Don’t burrow further into your self-deprication.
• Ask questions about things that you don’t understand, or feel unsure of.
• Join a community that will embrace you during your darkest moments, and guide you through them.
• Confide in those that actively choose to rally alongside you every day.
• Seeking help does not equal seeking attention.
• Remove yourself from relationships that breed negative reactions to your pain.
• Do not fear the stigma attached to labels; or the stereo-types made about them. Instead, lead as an example to the change that they so desperately need.

I have listed some helpful resources below if you are looking to find out more about the state of your own mental health, or maybe someone you know.

Full disclosure: I have struggled openly throughout my life with some degree of Depression, Anxiety, Hypochondria, psychosomatic disorder, and Postpartum Anxiety. I wake up every morning not knowing what the day will bring in terms of my moods, or who it will affect. I make jokes, and often use sarcasm, to lighten the burden of carrying around the heaviness of these afflictions; and by the evening; I find that I feel completely drained, void of anything left to give emotionally, or mentally.

Life is hard, but you don’t have to go at it alone.

You are loved. Deeply, Sincerely, guaranteed without a doubt, reach for the stars, over the moon, world-series kind of loved.

Further information and resources:

1. Mental Health Arizona
2. Mental Health Gov
3. 13 Mental health resources that are absolutely free
4. Free peer counseling chat
5. Suicide prevention lifeline
6. 45 ways to cheer up on a bad day
7. baby animals on Youtube
8. Finding Therapy – Mental Health America
9. 100 quotes about life that will uplift and inspire you
10. 9 videos to watch to calm an anxiety attack

Disclaimer: I do not own or have rights to the photographs above. They belong exclusively to and deserve full (thanks) credit to Sonaksha Iyengar. Please go to his Facebook page for more of his wonderful artwork.

Sometimes, I want better landscaping.

I feel petty admitting this; but I’m jealous of half the moms I know.

The propensity I have towards trying to make my grass as green as the other Instagram/Facebook yards is sort of disgusting. Scratch that; it’s really disgusting. Since when should a picture of a naturally lit dining room send someone into a fit of irrational FOMO?

It’s kind of weird thinking about the lengths I go to in order to take the perfect picture. On the side of a busy road, holding my baby in one arm, the selfie stick attached to the other, leaning slightly to the left to get the right angle; all because this sign said something ironic (quite literally), and would be perfectly paired with the ‘Nashville’ filter. Meanwhile my significant other waits in the car because he would love nothing more than to pretend he doesn’t know me.

Okay, I’m severely exaggerating. But isn’t it kind of funny that it doesn’t seem that far off? Mind you, I’d never put my baby at risk doing something that freaking stupid (So calm the hell down, Betty tattle-tits. You don’t need to call social services on me, take a seat.) But I have done some pretty hilarious poses and taken many a selfie in places I know people were giving me curious side-eye; just to prove I was doing something cool, somewhere Instagram worthy.

Honestly, in a majority of the photos I post; there is a precious amount of lighting, effort and time involved; and about 150 previously unapproved shots.

95% of the time, I am hovering over my daughter making sounds at pitches I didn’t even know I could hit; just so she’ll give me some half-ass grin in an attempt to get me to leave her the hell alone; because as her loud baby raspberries and facial expressions explain to me (yet again); she’s not a damn show pony.

The other 5% is spent editing, filter shuffling, and hashtag copying my gem of a photo; so I can show off my awesome iPhone photography skills.

I say that sarcastically; but I secretly love sharing my kids cute and quirky moments with the world. I made that. I’m pretty proud of it. Going through the motions to highlight this amazing foundation we’ve built just reiterates that I don’t need greener grass. My grass may have plenty of divots, some patches may be worn and faded, and sometimes I forget to water it; but its familiar. It’s blades know the curves of my feet well; and I find comfort in all of it’s imperfections. When I choose to put quality time and effort into it’s care, I realize quickly that the other yards around it are all just trying to do the same.

So, in case you need the reminder:

• The janky kitchen table you’re so ready to get rid of; the one that’s seen four previous homes before yours, with the Crayola marks all over it; also has plenty of dinner memories left to give.
• That one shirt you feel like you always wear, the one with the tiny hole in the boob, and spit-up on the shoulder, is probably still snuggled up on daily by a little human who thinks you are the best (and most stylish) person in the entire world.
• The 10-year-old car you bitterly own because you can’t afford to get a new one, and is good for nothing more than getting your family from point A, to point B; does just that. What a blessing.

 

Goodnight; from my seriously creaky, and sometimes questionably put together, hand-me-down bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Postpartum lifestyle connoisseur

…that mouthful of a subject line sounded real impressive, didn’t it. Well, now that you’re here:

^ That is my current status in a GIF, 4 months PP.

Raise your hand if it was nearly impossible for you to stick to your nutrition goals PRE-child; let alone POST; when the last thing on your mind is meal prep and fixing salads. Most days I’m happy if I can even get to my microwaved chicken nuggets (yes, I buy them for myself) before they go cold.

I am constantly reminding myself that the ‘fad’ diets are not a thing, they have zero credibility when it comes to overall weight loss; and are not permanent fixes. I hate the word ‘diet’ anyway; and after being told over and over again that it’s a lifestyle change, the idea has stuck. It’s just actually implementing that affirmation that I’m struggling with. I would love nothing more than to humble brag that I have the will-power of a kale chip eating saint; but I would be lying, and half-way through my second snickers bar.

I’m just a lazy sack of crap. Honestly. I hate working out, and probably always will. I do not get that ‘high’ that everyone refers to during/after a workout; unless that ‘high’ happens to be a lack of oxygen and an overall feeling of being near death; in which case I am 100% there.

I genuinely praise women that find the time. that actually get up before they have to get ready for work and do the damn thing. Even if it’s just a quickie 20 minutes. To the ladies that meal prep their hearts out every Sunday, I salute you. I really do. I need to be on this level. I just choose not to, and I don’t know why.

I will whine about feeling gross. Feeling bogged down, foggy, tired, and flat-out nasty. Day in and day out. Hell, I’m annoyed at myself for sounding like a broken record with no end in sight. At the end of the day, it’s a vicious cycle. I feel like crap, so I don’t work out. I don’t work out, because I feel like crap. Hand me a cheeseburger, put the kid to bed, glass or two of wine, repeat.

SO. To pull myself out of this funk, I figured I needed to hold myself accountable, even if just for a few days; as a means to get my ass in gear. I’ve made a micro to-do list to work towards this weekend, in hopes that it inspires some of you mama warriors to do the same!

• Exercise for 30 minutes this weekend doing something you love. (walking, running, swimming, yoga, playing tag with your kids, cleaning, whatever gets you moving and makes you winded)
• Cook one (or two, if you’re feeling ambitious) HEALTHY meal(s) for your family, and skip the bowl of ice cream after.
• Prep your families (healthy) breakfast or lunch Sunday afternoon for the following Monday. It doesn’t have to be both meals, but having something ready is better than having nothing.
• Drink more water. Even if it’s just one extra glass.

It doesn’t even need to be food prep or exercise related. Whatever it is that you are struggling to get to and through, cultivate baby steps to get over the hurdle. It doesn’t seem like much; but I did notice that the times I do exercise, or prep even one meal for myself the day before starting a new week, it changed my attitude for the rest of that day.

If you’re anything like me, you build up these high, unattainable, Everest-sized goals that you want so badly, but then get discouraged by when you re-evaluate.  ANYTHING that goes outside of your usual comfort zone, is enough to steer your motivation in the right direction.

Let me know any ideas you may have that you use to better situate a routine for yourself or your families during the week, or what helps you keep on a steady fast track when you feel stuck in a rut. I would love to gain some knowledge.

Also, I’ve been trying to research a few apps that can help organize what I’m wanting to do in terms of short-term goals, and bigger picture ones. Here’s an article that seems to have some good ones. I’m a visual person by nature, so seeing these things laid out sometimes helps me reach them quicker and more consistently.

Here’s to change, and wine!

 

 

Beauty on a budget

I haven’t been inspired by any deep and brooding life events lately; So I thought I’d steer away from the melodrama that is my postpartum journey, and give you guys some insight into my “beauty” routine – I use this term lightly because I really only do a full makeup look maybe once a month these days. However, I just pulled some random items together that I live and die by, and wanted to share what works for me!

So I have what I call my ‘5’ minute mom face that I do M-F. It’s super fast, makes me look less scary to the general public, and gets the overall job done, because I would rather sleep for an extra 1/2 hour each day than get dolled up. So for that, these are my comfort items:

• First things first: MOISTURIZE. So important. I use this one, and it also has sunscreen in it, which is a huge bonus.
• I have huge pores, especially around my cheeks and t-zone, so I use a pore diminishing primer. I also don’t have $40 to put towards one that is made of sloth tears from the deep forests of Indonesia. I found this one, and It works great for me, and also kind of moisturizes my drier areas.
• I have a ton of discoloraztion, blemishes and dark circles on my face; I use a well tinted BB cream to lay down a good base, so that I really get coverage. I love this brand, and their BB cream. It’s thick and I feel like it works wonders at making me look less dead. It also has some SPF in it, so even more protection.
• I have sort of gotten away from using foundation cream, but when I do, I change it up too much because I’m always looking for the next best steal that works well. The last one I used that I really liked was this one. Right now I’m actually using a new one that I hate. (fun fact.)
• For my poweder, I used Mayelline Pure-Stay for YEARS. I was  so obsessed with it, that even after they discontinued it, I would buy it off Amazon for double the price point just so I wouldn’t have to part with it. Well, eventually it got to around $60 a pack, and that was just outrageous; so I have been on the continuous hunt for something that agreed with my face like the Pure-stay did. So far, the closest thing I’ve come across that I’ve now used twice in a row with some success is this brand. It does tend to get a little cakey for me, but the coverage is good, and with my BB cream, I don’t have to build on top of it too much.
• Mascara. OHHHHH, Mascara. Again, another one I am constantly messing with brand wise. I have found though, that Maybelline is always my go-to. I do try different types of theirs, but this one is pretty good, and you can build on it.
• for Concealor, I’ve found this one to be my best bet. I have SUPER dark circles under my eyes, and I like that it’s a combo stick for both my eyes and other areas of my face. This entire brand is pretty solid, and I’ve had huge luck with almost all of the stuff I’ve gotten from them.
• I am not a HUGE fan of lipstick. I have thin lips already, and feel stupid trying to “over” line my lips or make them appear bigger. It is what it is; and even when I look like a snapping turtle on most days, I don’t have the calibur to try and plump them up. I tend to go for darker, or more neutral tones, but I know it’s different for everyone. Revlon has great mattes, and so does Elf and Colour-pop. Once I find a color, I tend to stick with that one or two for a long while. I don’t really mix things up much. Plus, it’s messy to kiss my babies with a bunch of gunk on my lips 😉 Right now, this shade has been doin it for me.

That’s pretty much it for my extensive “beauty” routine. After having Charlie, I just don’t have as much of an interest in Makeup as I did before. I’d rather spend my money on new clothes and accessories for her. The basics do just fine. Also, here are a few rando items I use a ton too:

• Peppermint Oil. I have Young Living (and am almost out) and I swear by this stuff. Constipation, nausea, headaches, fever, back pain….it’s good for everything. It gets good use in our house.
• Bio-Oil. This is probably the most expensive thing I splurge on. But I have a ton of scars and stretch marks, and this stuff works miracles at fading and diminishing the apparence of things. Also, it’s super moisturizing and makes your skin baby soft!
• Face Masks for dayyyyyys. There are so many great ones you can buy on Amazon, not even kidding. Just search for them and you can find reviews and test some out for under $15. Right now, I’m using this dead sea one frequently. LUSH also has amazing scrubs and masks if you can afford to splurge a bit. I’m also a huge fan of their lavender Toner. Basically anything at LUSH you can’t go wrong by.
• Magnesium. This stuff is a neccessity for our bodies. I’ll leave the link here, just look at all the benefits! I sleep like a baby drinking this before I go to bed. (I honestly just throw a scoop in my ice water.) They also have it for kiddos. I buy mine at Sprouts, and it usually retails for about $20 bucks, and lasts me a little over a month.
• Charcoal bar. Lovvvvve my LUSH charcoal bar. I did spend like $13 on it, and literally have had it for almost a year (using every day) this stuff feels so good on your face, and is so great at relieving acne and detoxifying your skin. You can get much cheaper ones at your nearest Target, or even Amazon.

 

I’ve really dialed it down since having my kid, because frugal is my middle name, and saving big money is my game. (terrible rhyme throw in, I know.) Honestly, I’ve found a few items I can’t live without, and have been training myself to not impulse buy so much crap that I know I won’t end up using anyway. It’s hard, as I’m someone who will just spend because I want to try something out; but taking the time to just appreciate the few items I really do believe in, has shifted my perspective a bit on what I need VS what I want.

Hope someone finds something they end up adding to their own collection!

I didn’t want a girl, but…

God knew exactly what he was doing when he made me a girl mom.

Shortly before I got pregnant, I can recall on more than one occasion pleading with him to listen to reason. I knew boys. I had been getting to know my nephew for over a year, and had gotten used to the ebb and flow, and overall ‘jest’ of boyhood. I also knew that the term ‘mama’s boy’ was not to be taken lightly. From what I could see, my nephew couldn’t get enough of his mom, and was the sweetest, kindest little soul. I wanted that, because I wasn’t intimidated by its familiarity.

Once I did get pregnant, the reality set in that I now had a 50/50 chance of actually having a girl. What was once just theoretical banter with God, had now become an all too real fear.

Then I found out Charlotte Emilia Recchion was well on her way.

The internal panic set in. ‘What if she didn’t love me?’ I highly disliked my mom. We were never close. ‘What if I ruin her?’ Significant damage had been done by mine, and our relationship had been strained from what I feel like was straight out of the womb. I had so many doubts, and was annoyed at God. The fact of the matter was, I couldn’t do this. I wasn’t meant to be a girl mom. I wanted a boy. My partner wanted a boy. This wasn’t fair. I was not up to the challenge of having to re-write my own manual on this toxic, uncharted territory. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t break the cycle. 

Looking back on it now, I’m able to laugh a little. Of course he gifted me what I didn’t know I needed. God gets me, he knows my heart. There hasn’t been very many moments or situations in my life that I’ve felt uncomfortable in, that he hasn’t challenged me to face head-on. I can honestly say that my strength lies in the fact that he’s never steered me in the wrong direction. I stray, he gently redirects. I push back, he convicts my judgement. I say no, he says ‘I’ll be here when…’ so it only makes sense that he would want me to deconstruct and rebuild the biggest wall in life; raising my own daughter.

Now I couldn’t imagine life without her. I wake up every morning to this gummy, wrinkled-nose grin, and can’t help but swoon. My Charlie is a vocal, sassy, funny little spitfire; and I am so honored that she chose me to be her mom.

That being said, there are at least a few minutes of each day that the anxiety of not doing right by her hits me. God can reiterate time and time again how big his presence is in my life, and I will always question his motives. Trust was never my strong suit. All the mean while, Every time she hits a milestone, or recognizes my face when we lock eyes; there is no denying that the very core of me aches with the need to give this kid everything I am in order to make her existence matter.

I want to show her that kindness and tolerance starts at home. That you can stand strong in your foundation and still love anyone that views the world differently than you. To never settle in complacency with herself, or let those around her bring her down in theirs. That it’s okay to cry at the little things, and at the big things; because her feelings are important. That we won’t always agree, and that there will be a day when she does really feel like she hates me, and will tell me so; but we’ll both know that it couldn’t be further from the truth. I want her to not have to apologize to the world for her every step, and instead stir up revolutions in spite of it. To not stand idly by while others are suffering, talking about what could be done, instead of acting in the middle of the resolve. That no matter how high she sets her own expectations, doing the best she can will always be good enough. I want her to know, love, and rely on God in ways that I never did (and most of the time still don’t) and to get used to her mom being fully engaged in her life; even when she finds it SO annoying; because that will mean I’m doing something right by her, after all.

I will always struggle with the void that comes with not having the typical mother/daughter relationship. I realize that I am one of many; and that’s why it’s even more important for all of us to stick together, and understand that we are not alone. It can be very isolating. I got lucky, because there has never been a lack of nurturing substitutes in my life. As I’ve grown, so has my support system. Still, it doesn’t take away from what’s missing.

As always, I encourage other new mom’s (or ladies in general) that this topic may strike a chord with, to reach out, and share your struggles. Dysfunction isn’t shameful, it’s eye-opening.

 

 

Some things never change

I am such a photo pushing fanatic. I literally cannot recall any moment in time that I haven’t been just absolutely mortified if I didn’t happen to catch a picture on my iPhone of my dog sitting like a meerkat for the umpteenth time, because this one, THIS VERY SHOT, is going to put the hundreds before it to filthy shame.

I think the sad part of growing up as kind of the first “technology driven” generation; I really went all out and did the damn thing. I mean, I went into it with a “go big or go home” kind of approach. Forget school work, or anything that could actually benefit my education; because there’s nothing like spending a solid 8 hours of your life a day soaking up some good Vitamin AOL to the sweet symphony of dial-up. I was so “that” kid. The one that would have rather updated her LiveJournal with her menial day-to-day activities, instead of actually going out there and being an active member of any society (other than the one I made on Sims.)

I think the saddest part of this for me, was that I got into the habit of living my life THROUGH these constantly evolving means of socializing and sharing. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve become a little too great at doing both behind a computer or iPhone screen…and not so much in real life. I sometimes (ok, maybe more than half the time) forget to enjoy a great moment for being just that. My instinct is to always grab the closest thing to a phone or tablet I can find (I tried taking a picture with the remote once) because I want to have something to document everything. The weirdest part of this being you would think these memories are for me…that you would come over and see frames on frames on frames over every inch of my walls. But I would be lying to you if I said it wasn’t for the instant gratification of knowing I’m just going to Share it so others will LIKE it, or APPROVE of it. Or think it’s just so darn peachy that they can’t even deal. (because my dogs meerkat pose in 3 different rooms is just so tantalizing to you all I bet you can’t even control yourselves just thinking about it)

I grew up hiding behind what I could have been experiencing in real life. I still catch myself doing this as a comfort in a world I don’t always feel so comfortable in. I like to poke fun at myself, deeming my social awkwardness as one of my many “quirks” but truthfully I can’t say that things wouldn’t have been even a little different, or I wouldn’t be slightly better at communicating; had I not spent most of my time talking to others via pop up screen.

I think as a general rule of thumb, you aren’t supposed to put yourself on blast if you’re not going to take something away from it. SO, in light of this new and improved development, I am going to take a very difficult stand on my soap box, and declare to the 3 of you that actually waste your time reading my banter; that I am going to TRY and refrain from the compulsive need to share every waking moment of my life on Facebook, or Instagram, or nose deep in Candy Crush. That I will no longer feel the need to take a picture of my dog tilting her head 3 inches farther to the left than yesterdays photo, justifying my insane right to post it nonetheless. I will NOT be a victim to fruit slicing, candy matching, or virtual produce growing in any way, shape, or form…as I fear it may be eating away at what little brain cells I have managed to keep around.

Will this be an easy task? Hardly. Will I want to nope the f*ck out? Yes. Quite possibly turning to violence and hard drugs as a result. But at what cost will all of this be worth it? When I’m huddled, rocking in a corner, drooling and mumbling something about phantom texting pains?

Never gonna happen. But, hey. you guys are great listeners, fo’ reals. If I had one of those cool object projectors they use at sporting events, you’d all be going home with arms full of candy, over-sized t-shirts with silly animal puns on them, and quite a large amount of false hope.

I’ll always be the CSS/HTML layout making, Instagram liking, Facebook posting and sharing, SIM game loving, iPhone picture-taking and editing freak of nature you all get super annoyed with having to keep around.

So suck it, Trebeck.