Things pregnancy has taught me

If by some chance there is a possibility that we are acquainted and you haven’t realized it yet; No, I haven’t taken up eating my weight in Chipotle every day for the past 7 months. I am, indeed, growing a real baby this time, and not just a food one.

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around how fast the days seem now; and how little time there is left for me to process the fact that I’m about to be a mom. Hell, my fiance and I will legitamately be responsible for something that doesn’t just bark at her own farts (I’m looking at you, Maggie.)

It’s been really interesting/terrifying/horrifying/exciting/every other emotion ever; to listen to the stories/comments/pieces of advice/”constructive criticism”/chastising comments/every other novel of pregnancy-ism ever; from everyone, everywhere you go; most well intended and welcome, others, not so much.

Pregnancy is weird in that you become less of a human making another human, and more of a snow globe on display for people to gawk at, poke, rub, and speak to rhetorically. I actually had someone share with me that a stranger in the grocery store took it upon themselves to walk right up to her and start rubbing her stomach, because that’s completely normal and not inappropriate whatsoever. My favorite by far has been the unwarranted comments on my size, shape, location of my gravitational center, when I’m giving birth, how far along I am, OH and how dying my hair and having a cup of coffee clearly mean I’m going to be the most horrendous parent to ever go down in history. Suffice it to say, It’s taken the people that actually matter in my life to help me realize that my child will not come out with an extra ear on her forehead, just because I happen to sneak in a sausage egg McMuffin from McDonald’s every now and again.

Here are some other random thoughts/things I’ve learned coming up on my 7th month of pregnancy:

1. The constipation struggle is real, folks. I have zero shame in my game, so don’t give me some funk ass look like ‘you would never…’ because you have, and I will pull out the ‘everybody poops’ book, if you need reference. Honestly, at this stage in my life, if you feel uncomfortable talking about bowels with me like you would a rainy day; we just aren’t meant to be.

Things that have helped: (resources for these items are at the end of the post)

• Peppermint oil. This stuff is miracle in a 15 ML bottle. Heartburn, Constipation, hemorrhoids (yeah, I said it.) upset stomach, really it’s been one of my all around go-to’s.
• Miralax. Yes I realize this isn’t to be used daily, but when you’re really feeling like crap (pun intended) this will definitely get things moving along in the right direction.
• Stool Softeners. Dulcolax (non-stimulating only) FOR THE WIN. This stuff is the best, really. Walmart has it for $4, and it’s worth every penny. Can be taken up to 3 times daily! Your butt will thank you.
• Natural Calm. This is really an all around wellness product, so many benefits during pregnancy, among them, constipation. A little pricier, but Sprouts has good deals. I usually put it into my night time tea.
• Fruits and Veggies. Because, fiber.
• Speaking of Fiber, Prune juice.
• Water. Water Water Water. Literally as much as you can physically drink. Yes, I know it’s counter productive to try and STOP peeing in 3 minute intervals, but it’s worth it.

2. Preggo dreams are seriously, seriously messed up. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’ve never woken up before absolutely convinced that we were in the midst of a talking electronic toilet apocalypse. It once took me half a day to forgive Travis for dream cheating on me.

3. Never have I ever googled rare pregnancy diseases. No, but really, don’t. In fact, take it from this very avid WebMD connoisseur, anxiety ridden browsing is INFINITELY different when you’re obsessing for two. My doctor banned me from using any online references, and told me if it was something I just absolutely had to indulge in, that I would have to filter it through Travis, first. Because apparently being 30 years old doesn’t automatically mean I’m ready to take on the whole adulting thing full time.

4. Fetal movement is by the far the most surreal, amazing honor I’ve ever had the privilege of experiencing. There’s nothing quite like this little being inside of you, reacting to the music you love, or her daddies voice when he tells her he loves her and can’t wait to meet her; SWOON.

5. Weight gain. I’m terrified of it. Already being overweight put me at risk for more than I could have imagined. What doesn’t help, is obsessing over it. I can only do my best to stay on top of my health; the rest is completely out of my hands. My body is changing despite my best efforts, and I’ve got to enjoy and embrace the strength in what I am capable of as a woman. It is slowly, but surely changing my perspective on what makes me beautiful.

6. Walking across the room has become an Olympic event. I barely make it up a flight of stairs and you would think I just completed a 5k. Hell, just sitting here typing this up has me winded. I never once though I’d become annoyed with the sound of my own breathing.

7. Finding angles to shave my legs is seriously entertaining. I’ve never taken a yoga class in my life, but whatever I’m doing to get the job done definitely qualifies. You can add that to the growing list of things that make me winded.

8. How much my love would grow for my baby daddy. MY GOD THE FEELS. We used to make JOKES about how awful living with me would be for 9 months; how I would basically be the exorcist, head spinning and what not. Turns out, being pregnant has only made me fall in love with him all over. I look at him and I swoon like a school girl. I feel so lucky that he picked me, every day, but now more than ever. I have this little human inside me that is 50% him, and it makes me giddy. He is attentive, supportive, kind, selfless, all things I struggle with; he is and does effortlessly. I already know our daughter is going to have him wrapped around her finger the second she lays eyes on him.

9. THE SUPPORT. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Really. I am amazed at the lengths my mom friends have gone to ensure I have been comfortable, calm, and taken care of for the last 7 months. They’ve talked me off the ledge, made sure I got the best hand me downs, encouraged my abilities, and have been just as excited as I have to meet my little girl. She’s not even here yet, and I know just how loved she is going to be. I couldn’t ask for more in a group of women that I call my friends! You guys have given me more grace than I deserve. I love you!

10. How social I’d have to be. I never thought about what being pregnant does in terms of having to make an effort. I know that sounds awful and ungrateful, it isn’t intended to. I am a hermit. I would rather stay home, in my pajamas, hiding away from the world, than having to face it. I hate idle chit chat, and huge group events. The people that I’m really close to understand this, and love me in spite of it. However, I realize now that with a kid on the way, I am going to have to take some serious strides to do better. With that comes trying harder to not be so awkward, and maybe work on my resting bitch face. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

Anyway, the real reason I wanted to jump back on the blog bandwagon is mainly because I feel like I needed some sort of documentation down the road that proves this wasn’t all just some crazy, made up fantasy life I’m currently pretending to have. Every minute that she is inside me getting bigger, is a bittersweet reminder to soak in even the most minute, yet incredible details of my life. Soon enough, I will barely remember who I was before she gave me real purpose. I’m ok with that.

 

RESOURCES:

Peppermint/other various oils:

Young Living Oils

Doterra Oils

Miralax (they carry this at your average grocery store)

Stool Softeners (make sure to get the non-stimulant one)

Natural Calm

 

An ode to your greatness

Hi ladies! This week has been a rough one, to say the least. Stressful wouldn’t even begin to put it accurately into words – but wine helps.

It was weighing heavy on my heart to instill some ‘woosah’ if you will, with other amazing women that may need the occasional pep-talk like I do, specifically on days like today. The kind where you put a different shoe on each foot, and leave the coffee thermos on top of the car as you hurry to work, or to run around town like a chicken without a head.

I wanted to gently remind you of a few key things, maybe while you’re cooking dinner and downing the 3rd cup of now cold coffee you meant to get to hours ago when it was still satisfying, or in between calls full of people telling you what an incompetent moron you are.

• if you need the extra 5 minutes to “pee” today, go for it. read an interesting article, get through that ridiculous level of Candy Crush you just can’t seem to conquer, and have almost thrown your phone out the window for. Hell, contemplate your marriage and the reason why you thought it was a good idea to have kids, as they claw their way under the crack of the door. Whatever extra 30 seconds you can grab to do so, SEIZE IT.
• Let caffeine win. If you are beating yourself up over the wasted calories you spent on your 2nd Venti caramel macchiato before it was even noon; let it go, Elsa. If you decided 4 coca cola’s in that it was really just a 5 soda kind of day, by all means. and if anyone decides to make a comment about it, I highly recommend you tell them to eat a bowl of dicks.
• Did you hear a few favorite back to back songs on the radio while you were on your way home to cook dinner? Were you really feeling yourself, and the amazing dance moves you have in the car? It’s totally a sign. Take that back route home that we all know about, but never get to enjoy. JAM OUT WITH YOUR CLAM OUT, GIRL. Get turnt, as the kids say. That raw meatloaf will still be at home, untouched, waiting for your culinary expertise, as soon as you get around to it.
• Wine? at 3pm? on a weekday? Yes, and if anyone has anything to say about it, they can file a complaint with absolutely no one, because you’re the boss, and you make the rules, damn it. You don’t need negative people like that in your life, anyway.
• Did you feel like putting on makeup today? Me either. Some days, you’re lucky if you find me properly dressed, and not dragging my right leg behind me into work with my sweats still halfway on, and spit-up down my back. I don’t get paid an hourly wage to have to smear circus gunk on my face every day of my life. If I want to go rock my PowerPoint presentation full of pie-charts, or charts about pies, without my eyeliner on; I’m pretty sure it will still be bad ass, and bonus: I won’t have to go home, scrub my face raw, and waste precious moments of my ‘me’ time, better spent grabbing that extra glass of wine or lying in bed motionless, processing how the hell I get through days like today.
• Don’t feel like cooking dinner? Great, don’t. Your clean eating and raw vegan diets will be there waiting for you tomorrow. Eat the processed bag of chips. Buy the extra-large, bacon wrapped, deep-fried, cheese stuffed pizza you know you’ve literally been eyeing for two months straight. You earned it.
• Did you know that remote cardio is a thing? Look into it. 400 channels can take a while to get through, so don’t you tell me you can’t burn sufficient calories by channel surfing. 1 channel bump = 1 calorie.
• Cry at the video of the penguin born without his left foot, who ends up getting a replacement one, and is adopted by a blue whale named Boris; that takes it lovingly under its orca wing and nurses it back to health. Those Facebook videos are literally the essence of life – and if your husband/significant other is watching with you, and doesn’t cry, or proceeds to laugh at you during said crying; give them a solid purple nurple. nothing creative there. Just do it. Because, really, who doesn’t have ALL the feels over a penguin with a bum foot, coasting through life with a whale companion to a Sarah McLachlan intro.
• Already ate 2 snickers, 3 slices of ice cream cake, and a donut today? Yeah, I feel you. however, if you have been reading up until this point i think you know where I’m going with this. Let’s just say no one is watching you grab that bag of chocolate chips in the back of the fridge, or judging you for that Oreo filling smeared on your cheek that you’re saving for later. Let’s move on.
• Spend an extra 5 minutes tonight doing something that makes you genuinely happy. I mean, head over heels, soul melting, I could cry I haven’t gotten to do this in months, happy. And don’t let anything distract you from it. But don’t let anyone die, either. I mean, I’m not advising you to continue on if your kid is literally climbing the dresser, or your husband/significant other has a questionable woman over for wine and appetizers in the other room, thinking you can’t still come take care of that Becky with the good hair. But try your damnedest.

Most importantly; don’t question your worth because a client had you up in arms about something petty that you had no control over. Don’t doubt your abilities as a mother, father, friend, sibling, colleague, or otherwise. You’re absolutely killing it with that workload, parenthood, and agenda. People are always going to have something to say, someone to prey on. Sit comfortably in your own skin, knowing you’re doing the best that you can with the cards that you’re dealt. I bet you someone glanced over at you today and wished so badly that they had what you did. Seriously. It’s hard to believe sometimes, but our mediocre is someone else’s extraordinary. You did great, you do great, and you are great. Whatever you need, whoever you are, just make sure you take the time to do you, eat that 5th and “final” chocolate chip cooker, and the rest will fall into place on its own.